The Truth about Reconciliation

There are just as many things that can get in the way of saying sorry as there are reasons to not accept an apology. Be it pride, stubbornness, ego or self-righteousness that prevents one from forming the words, sorry is often needed and rarely utilized.

If this were a phenomenon of our personal lives only, offering an apology or accepting one would not be a matter for Peace X Prose. But the business of contrition and forgiveness is global, and just as necessary an aspect of sustainable peace as justice.

Consider this the next time you face the unforgivable offense of a man leaving your toilet seat up:

The year – 1948. An already disenfranchised other-than-white South Africa learns that the Afrikaner Party has sanctioned a separate and unequal form of government to legally define and enforce segregation within their country. For the next 46 years, the apartheid regime determined everything from where a person lived and what places they frequented to who they voted for. Persons who opposed the unfair treatment were held as political prisoners, tortured, and in some cases killed for claiming what was rightfully theirs, be it land, rights, or justice. Following the democratic election of Nelson Mandela in 1994, a new South Africa emerged, one that bestowed equal rights on every segment of the population. An integral part of the country’s rebirth, The Truth and Reconciliation Commision, encouraged anyone who felt they had been a victim or perpetrator of violence to come forward and seek either reparations or amnesty from prosecution. Wrongs were publicly acknowledged; then reconciliation could begin. The process has since become a model for other truth and reconciliation processes around the world.

All this to say, as elusive as the phrases “I’m sorry” and “I forgive you” can sometimes be, the end of apartheid was your indicator that it’s time to get over yourself.

Sincere apologies and acts of forgiveness take time, require openness and closure, and begin through the art of conversation. We at Peace X Peace not only believe this, we’ve made it our profession, and through the Global Network we share our proven mechanism for healing the world with others. Whether connecting Americans with Iraqis, Palestinians with Israelis, or simply one woman to another, our Internet-based conversations are the foundation for a more peaceful world where spoken words, not weapons, determine our collective fate.

The Gender of Justice

For a prosecutor or defense attorney, getting promoted to partner has very little to do with mending relationships, healing hearts, or finding common ground. At the end of a court case, there’ll be one client and lawyer left standing. It’s about going for the jugular under the guise of civility. Every aspect of your training and opportunity for advancement is intrinsically related to you coming out as the person on top. Might – not right – gets you the raise.

As friend of many lawyers with oversized hearts, I’ll be the first to admit that not all litigation is flawed. Women flocking to the field at unparalleled rates have contributed to changing the legal landscape. Yet feminine principles in law, however endearing, are not the dominant paradigm. We are fascinated by the brand of law and order that results in a clear cut winner and loser. It is why four different American television dramas by the name of Law and Order exist (in addition to Boston Legal, The Practice, and reruns of Ally McBeal). It is why on any given morning, you can turn on your tube and find one of eleven judge personalities presiding over their People’s, Divorce, or Moral Court. Eighty six million American homes are equipped with a television channel dedicated solely to this style of American justice affectionately know to its subscribers and Turner Broadcasting System, Inc as Court TV.

Within our society, a far less celebrated profession exists and is literally dying for our attention, that of the mediator. One has to wonder what our toolbox would look like if we celebrated, promoted and practiced peace and conflict resolution like we do litigation. How might we grow as individuals if consensus was required for resolution? What if everything running smoothly in a conflict didn’t mean everything going your way? Would there be a space for war if using Circle principles was an obligatory practice?

Let this serve as a reminder – conflict is a given. It arises in many forms. Be it a
quarrel with a loved one or international discord, differences of opinion are inevitable. Conflict, when handled constructively, can leave both individuals and foreign policies in a place of strength. When dealt with mindlessly, conflict begets more conflict, leading to distrust, hatred, and war. It would seem the choice is obvious, but the 41 and counting nations in armed conflict with one another suggest otherwise.

If you’ve never asked yourself before, why Peace X Peace? It is because our Global Network is a microcosm of what the world needs to be. Our cross-cultural connections deliberately bring people with differences together to celebrate the unfamiliar while actively promoting the commonalities. It is through these links that we transform fear and hostility into actions that build harmonious cultures. Our law is love. And through its practice, a world where sustainable peace exists is no longer just possible – it is inevitable.

Ultimately, the choice is yours.